Bert Kreischer’s Secret Time Netflix Special

A few days prior to the Bert Kreischer stand-up, my friend, Brett, told me that he had an extra ticket and asked if I wanted to go. The show was at 8pm on a Thursday night (February 22, 2018), but that didn’t matter. Bert is one of my favorites so there wasn’t a chance I would miss his Netflix special. I had seen Bert twice before, but again, that didn’t matter. This would be my 3rd time seeing him in the past 3 years. He never fails to make me laugh. Leading up to the show, Brett and I had talked about either taking PATCO into the city and walking a few blocks to the venue or driving in and parking as close as possible. I opted for driving in. I love taking the train, but since it was a work night I figured after the show was over we could get home a little quicker and not have to wait for the train. Also, I was still hoping I could get work to pay for the parking (LOL).

We drove into Philly and when we were a block away from The Trocadero (the venue for the show) I heard this voice outside of my window and immediately knew who it was. It was a voice that you can recognize from anywhere… it was Bert! I yelled, “Hey, it’s Bert!” Bert looked at Brett and I in the car and asked if we were going to the show. We responded with a quick “Hell yea, see you in there.” In hindsight, I really wish I had said “Nah, your shows are sold out all weekend, but we came over to try sneaking in.” Knowing what I know about Bert, I’m sure he would’ve absolutely loved hearing that and snuck us in himself. Oh well, maybe I’ll think of that if the opportunity ever arises again.

We park a block away and walk into the Troc. As my Pop-Pop Milsted would say, The Troc used to be the only stripclub around so he and his friends would skip class to go see the girls. I had to look up this little tidbit because if you know my Pop-Pop, you know he likes to embellish the truth a little bit. So I looked it up and found out that it really used to host mainly burlesque shows. It opened up in 1870 and has hosted a number of different events over the years. From burlesque shows to movie screenings. Now it’s mostly a concert venue. This was only my second time here, but the inside is so cool and has such awesome architecture that it quickly has jumped up to one of my favorite venues in the area. It also only holds roughly 1,200 people so it makes any show feel very intimate. My only other visit here was for an In The Presence Of Wolves and Galactic Empire concert. My girlfriend, Leen’s, brother Vini is the lead singer of ITPOW, so that was the main reason we went. Although, it was also pretty sweet seeing Galactic Empire, a Star Wars metal band.

(From my first visit to The Trocadero)

The Troc is general admission seating so there were a bunch of fold up chairs where the floor for a concert would be. The first floor was pretty packed so we decided to check upstairs. Good call! It wasn’t as packed… yet. Upstairs was more like stadium seating, meaning bench seats. We snagged a couple spots on the bench and went to the bar. No wonder upstairs wasn’t packed yet… everyone was at the bar. It took us a little while to finally get some beverages, but it was worth having that $5 Yuengling for the show.

Now it was time to sit back and enjoy the show. Shane Torres was the opening act. Neither of us had heard of him before. He was funny and had a few good jokes, but to be honest, wasn’t the reason we were there. After about 20-30 minutes it was time… Bert was up! If you’ve never heard of Bert before, think of him this way… the movie Van Wilder was based off of his life! Before he walked out, I turned to Brett and said, “Does he come out with his shirt on or off? If it’s on, I give him under 5 minutes before it’s off.”

He came out with his shirt on and within 10 seconds ripped it off. Now, as I stated earlier, this would be the third time I saw Bert and on top of that I even watched his Showtime special. A lot of his stories were ones that I’ve heard before, but that didn’t stop me from laughing so hard I was crying. Plus, when you’re taping a Netflix special, why would you not use your best stuff!? Bert performed for roughly an hour. When his show was over he said he would make time to tell us one more story. It was the story of how he ended up in the Russian mafia. If you haven’t heard this one, you need to go find it on YouTube because it’s AMAZING! Actually, better yet… I’ll post it below for you to watch (if you have 13 minutes to spare).

After all the shows that I have been to, he always does a meet and greet. He waits for every one of his fans in line that wants one. Whether it be to get their picture taken and/or an autograph. I had met Bert at one of the previous shows I attended, so I left it up to Brett if he wanted to wait.

(From the first time I met Bert)

We decided to grab a couple more beers and wait in the meet and greet line. The line moved surprisingly fast and we were to the front in no time. What was I going to say to Bert? This is one of the guys who helped start my thrill-seeking obsession. One of my travel idols and also part of the reason why I decided to finally start this Where In The World Is Milzy!? blog.

It all started with his show called Bert The Conqueror. In this show he traveled the country, going to the best amusement parks and seeking out the best thrill rides to “conquer.” After that he was the host of a show called Trip Flip. In this one, Bert would find an couple on the street and treat them to a vacation of a lifetime, but the catch was it would be more off of the beaten path then a regular vacation. I loved both of these shows. So much so, that when I was in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee on a family vacation to Dollywood, I made my sister drive to a local thrill ride that Bert “conquered” on an episode just so we could say that we did too.

Now it was our turn to take a picture with Bert. When I walk up, I flat out ask, “So Bert The Conqueror and Trip Flip… what the hell happened?”

He looks at me and says, “Well, I kind of got fired… I’ve decided to stick to my stand up roots, but it also turns out the Travel Channel didn’t think my material about my wife going down on me was good PR.”

I then said to him, “Shit… oh well. You made your money, had your fun, and got to travel the world!” As soon as I finished that statement he looked at me like I gave him the best life advice he’d heard all year. You could see him processing what I said in his mind. Then finally he said, “Wow, you’re absolutely right! Thanks for coming out tonight guys.”

With that, we took our pictures and started walking back to the car. We were able to get to the car and home in about 20 minutes, which was much faster than the train would’ve been.

Turned out to be a pretty solid night, especially for not even having a ticket to a sold out show just two nights prior. I can’t wait until the Netflix debut to see which parts make the cut. Bert may or may not have told us the ending his friend, Tom Segura, had suggested he go with… only time will tell if all will “fade to black.”

** Update: The special will debut on August 24, 2018 and the name changed from Party Hardy to Secret Time. **